in this place where religion is the norm and relationship with God is unheard of.
Wed 22 March 06
I am down today. I feel like I’m in a dark and horrible pit and I’m stuck down there and I need you to rescue me and get me out. I feel really disappointed. I feel like I can’t cope anymore dad. I know you promise that you would never give us or let us go through more than we can handle. I honestly feel dad, that I just cannot take any more. I don’t think I can face another day dad, if you don’t do something today. What is the point of me being here? What is the point of any of us being here?
I need so much healing dad. I don’t think that I can minister to another person or do anything else if you don’t show up and heal me. I know that you don’t owe me anything, but you are my dad and you are a perfect father who loves his kids. I know you love me and want the best for me. I need you to come and rescue me. I need you to carry me right now. I know you are love. I know that you are very rich in your grace and mercy, so don’t leave me like this for much longer. Please hurry and rescue me. I feel so stuck. I have no money to run away and go back to England. And even if I did go back, what would I do there? I still wouldn’t have anything to run away to. I would still need you just as much.
Daddy, I know that you are the God of the breakthrough. I really need a breakthrough in my life, in my emotions, in my relationship with you. I’m at the end of myself, yet again dad! I need you so much. I’m desperate for you and I’m so so lost without you Daddy. I need you to be the air that I breathe. Please come through for me Daddy. Please help me! I feel like I want to throw up spiritually. I love you daddy, and I always will. But something has to change.
Psalm 121:1-2 (New International Version)
I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
Thurs 23 March 06
I love you so much. Please help me to rest in your presence, to stop striving and to find that place of being in the centre of your love for me. Thank you Daddy for your grace and mercy towards us. Thank you for not abandoning us. Thank you for your love for us which is so patient and kind. Thank you for your faithfulness towards us. Thank you for holding us in your hand and for loving us to life. Please use me to love others to life too. I know I still need a long way to go myself in being loved back to life by you. I love you Daddy.
You are so beautiful and so awesome. Your deeds are so great and wonderful. Your wisdom is so deep and magnificent. Your love is so rich and extravagant. Your heart is so inviting and warm. You are the only true safe place in this messed up world. You exude mercy and peace. Your joy is so intoxicating and contagious. Your eyes are everywhere and so true. Your words are life giving and set people free. Your kisses are so tender and healing. Your fragrance is so sweet and lifting to the spirit. Your touch is so powerful and so gentle. Your plans for us are so heroic and amazing. You’re simply the best!
There is no other God like you. You spoke and the universe came into being. Your comfort is better than any parent’s love. Your tales are far more attention grabbing than any best seller novel. Your presence is so encouraging and so embracing. Where can I possibly go to, but to You and Your arms of love? There is nowhere I can hide. I am haunted by your love. I must have more of you to satisfy this longing in my heart. My heart aches for more of you. Nothing in this world can ever take that place, that you designed for your love to fill. I am so helpless, so broken and so desperate for more of you. I feel so sick without you. I need you to hold me more than I ever did before. I need your embrace and your TLC that can never be manufactured, bought, sold or replicated by anyone or anything. I need you, Daddy.
Thank you, that you’ll never let me go.
Thank you, that you’ll never leave me.
Thank you, that you’ll never abandon me.
Thank you, that you’ll never forsake me.
Thank you, that you believe in me.
Thank you, that you gave up so much for me.
Thank you, that you value and treasure me.
Thank you, that in your love, all my fears are calmed and melt away.
Thank you for restoring trust in my life, for teaching me to trust.
Thank you for including me and not rejecting me.
Thank you for giving me Jesus and the Holy Spirit to help me on my journey to finding you.
Thank you that there is yet, far more to come, than what I have now.
Thank you for filling me with hope.
Thank you that your love is not like the love that this world has to offer.
Thank you that your love is pure and good. It is gentle and kind. It doesn’t give up on me or hold a record of my wrongs. It is so strong and powerful. It is full of healing. It brings restoration. It wakes the dead. It is full of life. It is fun. It forgives the unforgivable. It is so freely given. It is so wild. It never runs out. It doesn’t judge or condemn. It brings freedom, conviction of sins and draws repentance. It purifies and cleanses hearts. It changes lifes and destinies. It shapes characters and overflows to the deepest places. It brings victories and wins battles. It’s unselfish. It brings out the best in people. It changes people and transforms them into angels. It is a light in the darkness, a well in the desert. It restores innocence and it brings humility. It kills pride. It is not shallow or superficial. It is real and explodes in truth. It multiplies and seeks the hungry.
It clothes the poor, shelters the homeless, heals the sick, wakes the dead, feeds the hungry, brings beauty to the ugly, washes the unclean, cheers the miserable, comforts the broken hearted, gives life to the barren. It is playful and full of joyful fun. It restores childhood. It brings maturity and wisdom. It is creative and never boring.
How could I ever escape this kind of love? I have tasted a little and now I am ruined forever. I can never go back to a life without you. I can not ever settle for a life with you and yet not have more of this love. I have to have more. I love you Daddy.
Psalm 25:20 (New International Version)
Guard my life and rescue me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.