Love from Ash
A light that shines in the darkness...
Friday, July 31, 2015
The grass is always greener
But the last three have been England, Canada, and now America. I did not originally choose to live in England, my family moved there when I was 13, but at 25 it was my choice to leave England and go to Canada.
It wasn't a choice I made because I didn't like England, it was the promise and excitement of a new adventure, to make my own path, and an invitation from friends to experience life there. The setting of that adventure was Yarmouth, Nova Scotia. You can read previous posts here on this blog for more about that adventure. It lasted for 7 years, and it was beautiful.
At first it was a struggle to get used to the slow pace of life and small town living after coming from a fast paced life in a big city like London. It was quite the contrast. I distinctly remember the first time I was to meet up with a friend at Tim's (Tim Hortons the local coffee shop) and I stopped into Sobeys (local grocery supermarket) to pick up something as I had 15 minutes to spare.
Now in the busyness of London, you could easily run into a supermarket that is crowded with hundreds of shoppers and quickly grab your one item and pay for it and be out of the shop in less than 15 minutes.
Yet, here I was in an almost empty grocery store (supermarket for my British readers), I grab that one item I needed, get to the checkout line (queue) and there was only one person in front of me. "Yay" I think to myself, "I'll be out of here in no time".
Ten minutes later, and I'm still standing there, watching the cashier so slowly ring each item and chat to the person shopping about their day like they were friends who were having a good catch up! And I think "Please let me take those items out of your hands and ring them through myself! You are taking forever and I'm going to be LATE!" (by a couple of minutes which was a big deal to me, because in London time is money and the trains run on a schedule where mere seconds make the difference of catching that train or not. You have to be places on time!)
Eventually, I get out of the store and two minutes later I'm at Tim's waiting for this person to show up and they are NOT on time...it took a while to get used to that, to stop rushing, to learn to take my time, and to realize that everyone takes their time and no one is ever in a rush, and that life is actually not so bad when it moves at a slow pace.
I miss that now, but there were times, that it wasn't easy. When I first moved there, there was only one tiny old movie theatre (cinema), two grocery stores (supermarkets), one Canadian Tire, a couple of Tim Horton's, a very small mall (shopping center) with maybe less than 15 shops (food/phones/books/accessories/pharmacy etc and a few tourist shops on Main Street and a few more little food stores dotted here and there in the more remote areas outside of town. In the time that I was there, they built a new cinema, opened a Walmart, and a Bulk Barn which were great, but it still felt like such a small town. If you really wanted to go Christmas shopping, people drove for three hours to Halifax (the capital of Nova Scotia and more like a little city). That was normal for people, but for me at times, I found it boring and longed to live somewhere where there was more to do. It truly was such a beautiful place but sometimes it was lonely if you were single and had no family. It took about 4 years to establish good friendships and my friends were super good about being inclusive and introducing me to their friends etc so that by the time I left another 3 years later, I left a lot of friends behind.
What I took for granted were the beautiful lakes all around*, the beautiful clean sandy beaches, and the friendliness of the local people. I think if I had moved there with a family in tow, I would've never left. It is the perfect place to raise a family, no crime, hardly any cars on the road, and everyone knew everyone. In seven years of living there, no one locked their doors to either their house or their car. I miss that! There was always time to visit with friends and pop in unannounced for a cup of tea, just because you were driving by!
*(well I didn't really take the view of the lakes for granted, because I do remember every single day looking at the water and thinking 'how beautiful' and I absolutely loved looking at those lakes - but when I was wishing I was living somewhere with more happening, I wouldn't remind myself of the beauty of those lakes, so in that way I took them for granted).
I wanted to stay there indefinitely but then I met my now husband through a mutual friend. The only problem was that he lived in America. I had no secure job in Canada and he has a job he loves here, so it seemed like I would have to move again and so I did.
On one level it seemed like this is the best move, because you still have the beaches (although much more crowded than Canada), more people, so more shops and more things to do, so life would not ever be lonely, but in reality here I am three years later, with a husband and two kids, that yes keep me busy, but now I miss all those good friends I had in Nova Scotia.
Being at home with the kids limits the people I meet, and the faster pace of life here means that everyone is SO busy, so even the handful of friends that I do have, are so constantly busy with their families and their already established circle of friends, that it is so hard to have time to spend together. Like it literally takes two months for us to get together with another family for a meal. So on one level there is more to do and more people here, but on another level, it is more lonely to live here and makes me miss my family in England.
I know that once the kids are older and get into school and when I get a job, I might feel differently, and that every season has it's struggles, but the main point of this post it to say that while I'm here now in this season, I am realizing that 'The grass is always greener on the other side!' and that instead of taking for granted the good things around me, I need to learn to enjoy the moment I'm in and to appreciate what is around me, that perhaps I would miss, if I was to ever move again.
So tonight, when my husband came home, we went to the beach! It was our first time going to the beach since my second child was born, I can't believe it took this long! Baby's over a year old and only today gets to experience going to the beach. We had such a beautiful time, both kids had a blast. So let's hope we'll do this more often and enjoy this privilege we have to live so close to such beautiful beaches and such gorgeous hot weather and may we watch more sunsets together and more moon risings! The moon was so pretty tonight :)
Friday, July 17, 2015
Kindness
But anyway, none of that, is what I wanted to write about today. Yesterday I read an article that basically said that the two most important traits to have in a successful and happy marriage are 'kindness' and 'generosity'. I found it very interesting and I have a feeling that, it is, very true.
Personally, I've been married almost 4 years now and I know that marriage is hard work, it is also the vehicle that God uses to show you really just how selfish you are. So I am aware that kindness and generosity are not traits that come naturally to me. Pre-marriage I thought I was a kind and generous person, but now I know that I'm not.
However, I would like to be, not just so that my marriage would be more successful and happy, but also because why wouldn't anyone want to be more kind and generous? Certainly this world needs more kind and generous people. This morning, like most mornings recently, I spent time telling my kids, mainly my toddler to be 'nice' to her sibling who is a crawling infant, so still a baby. It is very hard for my eldest to share the toys that until recently belonged to just her. But it upsets me when she is selfish or mean to her sibling. I want her to be kind and generous. But if I'm not modeling that to her, how can I expect her to be nice, just because I ask her to be? Yes, I need to change, and I pray that God will help me, because I clearly need help in that department. I mean, it is easy to be kind and generous to your friends, but to be kind to your husband and kids, who sometimes you feel don't give you a break, then it's a lot harder, but it is also, a truer reflection of just how kind and generous you really are.
I wish I had some answers to share about how to achieve this, but I don't. All I can do is pray, and try to remind myself moment by moment, to choose to be/do the kind/generous thing. It's been two hours since my kids bedtime and I'm sitting here trying to write, as it's the first chance I've had all day to do this. My husband is half napping on the couch and half watching tv. He started work early today so he is beyond tired. My toddler is now finally asleep but for a couple of hours since going to bed has called out for me several times. The old me would go to her, feeling obligated and resentful that I have to give up my time, and would've been wishing that my husband would get up and go to her. Today, I have a slight change of attitude, yes, I'm still wishing I could have a cup of tea made for me and be undisturbed while writing, but I also know that my husband is tired and she is still so young, and so yes, even though I don't want to get up, the kind and generous thing, is to let my husband rest and to go to my toddler and be 'nice' to her myself like I asked her to be just this morning.
And so with that, it is time for me to now go and get my husband some chips (which he's asked me for 3 times now as he's too tired to get up and get some himself), and maybe finally make myself that cup of tea :)
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Starting Over
A lot has happened in those last 4 years, I got married, moved from Canada to the U.S. and have two kids now. I love my family, and perhaps since I'm now a stay-at-home mum, I can try to grow in this area of writing...at least that is the hope.
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
God's Timing Is Always Perfect
Saturday, December 05, 2009
What If Jesus Meant All That Stuff?
Click on the link above to read the article...
Posted using ShareThis
Monday, November 03, 2008
King Of This Heart
Time is too short to say it’s ok
To think I can live this way for just another day
So I search through the night
For the one my heart loves
Won’t stop till I’ve found you
Lord I need to hold you close
Be the king of this heart again
Be the king of this life
In my soul
There’s a cry today
Be the king of this heart
Be the king of this heart
I stood in the desert
And thirsted for you
I’ve run through the city
Now I won’t let go
I’m throwing myself
On your mercy oh God
You say it’s all or nothing
I say then Jesus have it all
Be the king of this heart again
Be the king of this life
In my soul
There’s a cry today
Be the king of this heart
You be the king of this heart
Be the light for my eyes
Be the strength for my feet
Be the love of my soul
Be my everything
Be my day and my night
When I wake, when I sleep
Undivided my heart will be
Be the king of this heart again
Be the king of this life
In my soul
There’s a cry today
Be the king of this heart
Would you be?
Be the king of this heart
Always
You say it’s all or nothing
I say then Jesus have it all
Be the king of this heart again
Be the king of this life
Yeah
In my soul
There’s a cry today
Be the king of this heart
Would you be?
The king of this heart
Jesus, would you be?
The king of this heart
Need you to be
The king of this heart
Always
You’re the king of this heart
You’re the king of this heart
You will be
The king of this heart
(Matt Redman)
Thursday, October 30, 2008
It's been a while...
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
The Book Of Job
Pray to learn from Job and to live like Job.
"Consider My servant Job": Ah, Job. What an interesting character and story! My assumption always was that the book was well summarized by the idea of suffering. Trials, tribulations, sorrow, false accusation and all the other things that tend to make our lives miserable appear to cluster around Job like metal filings to a magnet. He endured more loss than dozens of us put together could possibly register. He kept only his wife and his life (and sometimes it appears as if keeping his wife was not all that great a blessing). Yes, like the Savior, he was "a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief."
But somehow, that isn't the whole story! Many years ago I was having lunch with the late Louis Paul Lehman (twice pastor of the great Calvary Church in Grand Rapids, MI, radio preacher, and widely-known conference speaker). Paul was a delightful eccentric who tended to say things as they popped into his mind. He turned to me that day and said, "Do you know the real theme of the book of Job?" I answered with the obvious, "suffering." He, said, "That is an element in the picture, but it is not the real main theme." He went on to say that he was convinced that the main theme was this: Will a man serve God for nothing? He challenged me to study the encounter between God and Satan early in the book to determine if he was actually correct. I did, and he was.
God asks Satan if he has considered His servant Job. Satan responds that he has, but that he is not incredibly impressed. He suggests to God that anyone as blessed as Job would surely serve the God who had blessed him. He boldly suggests that if God takes away all he has, God might find another Job altogether lurking under the surface of the grateful and joyous Job he knows so well. The obvious implication? Job serves you for what he can get out of it. Take that all away and see what he does. In other words, let's find out if a man will serve God for nothing. [Rather than keep you hanging in case I forget at the end, the answer to that question is also strikingly clear before the conclusion of the book: yes, but with great difficulty!]
God sets a couple of boundaries and then tells Satan he can have at him, and the rest of the book unfolds the story of what transpires. There is a fairly simple outline to the book that goes as follows:
The Prologue - Chapter 1:1-28 (the story of Job)
The Dialogue - Chapter 2:9 - 42:6 (the struggles of Job)
The Epilogue - Chapter 42:7-17 (the sequel of Job).
Job's struggles are many and intense. He struggles with his circumstances, with himself (a major factor in the book), with his wife, with his friends, and with his God. The struggle with his friends takes up much of the book and is quite revealing. I think the phrase, "With friends like these, one doesn't need enemies," may have originated in Job. They were so spiritually ignorant that they said the right things to the wrong person, the wrong things to the right person, and the wrong thing to the wrong person, but never got around to saying the right thing to the right person.
Most of us are sufficiently familiar with the story that it is probably unnecessary to review all the gory details; suffice it to say that Job goes "through the mill" in ways that few if any of us have ever experienced (and most of us could not survive either physically, spiritually or emotionally), and he does so more than once.
We have the theme (a question and its answer), and we know the story. What lessons can we learn from his experience of God's dealings in his life? I believe there are at least ten lessons we can learn from His servant, Job.
1. God always has His purposes even though they are often unknown to us (should I have said most often unknown to us?). A praise chorus says, "though I may not understand all the plans You have for me, my life is in Your hands, and through the darkest night, I can plainly see, God is good!" And His overall purpose can be known: to glorify Himself through His servants.
2. Satan is alive and well on planet earth. No need to belabor this point; we all have eyes and ears. I always have mixed emotions at this point, however, as it is easy to blame everything that goes wrong on Satan and to fall back on the old excuse, "the Devil made me do it." The opposite, however, is equally wrong and dangerous - that Satan isn't involved in anything that happens. Don't automatically blame your troubles on Satan as some of the worst may be self-created. Don't, however, rule out the role that Satan plays in keeping the world in rebellion and the Saints in personal turmoil.
3. Struggles don't indicate sin in the life. Don't get over-simplified! Job had done nothing wrong to warrant what happened to him. Don't assume that your own sufferings or those of others have their root in some specific sin. It would be wise also to realize that lack of struggles at a particular time does not indicate that "God loves you better than He does His other children."
4. The overall story of the exchange between God and Satan also brings to the forefront the importance of motives. What Satan was really after was discovering the actual motives that drove Job. How much we need to examine our hearts to be sure that what we do is done for the right motive (at best as humans are able to do such). I've often said that right is its own reward. This - and many other truths - expresses that our motives are what determines the worth, if not the outcomes, of our efforts for the Lord.
5. It is natural for man to struggle. I think there has been a lot of erroneous teaching in this area. You know, the "comfort clichés" that are part of an evangelical arsenal. If you think a struggling believer is required to "suffer in internal silence while expressing major external happiness," I think you have missed the point. Read the Psalms again. David said some things to the Lord that I would be even hesitant to think, and he did so out of the intense struggles through which he was passing. I'm not God, but I do know from Scripture that He remembers what we forget, even about ourselves: that we are dust!
6. This follows on the last point. It is ok to take our struggles to the Lord. He knows what's going on in our minds anyway, and it would seem only logical to openly bring such matters to Him. Again, I cite many of the Psalms of David. You can suffer in silence and loneliness, but I'm not at all sure that is necessary. If He keeps all our tears in a bottle, then he must have a lot of crying people coming to the throne.
7. The lessons to be learned are always worth the trials to be endured. Many of us can testify that some of the greatest learning experiences of life have been provided by the problems we have faced (especially those that were of our own making). In a moment we will see some of the incredible lessons Job learned. There is enough in the book to change our usual approach of "How can I get out of this?" to "What can I get out of this?"
8. Great flashes of light often come in the darkest of night. In the midst of his struggles (in Chapter 19), Job makes some striking revelations. Remember, Job probably lived in the Patriarchal age, and his story may well be the oldest in Scripture.
With that in mind, look at the "flashes of light" God gave him:
He got a glimpse of personal redemption - verse 25 ('I know that my Redeemer liveth," which expresses personal faith in redemption by a Personal Redeemer").
He got a glimpse of eternal resurrection - verses 25&26. "He shall stand upon the earth" (an interesting indication of millennial truth); "In my flesh I shall see God."
He got a glimpse of supernatural recognition - verse 27. "Whom I shall see for myself and mine eyes shall behold," even though right now I feel like I am being destroyed ("my heart faints within me").
9. Ultimately, things always turn out right. Humanly and temporally, they do not. The way the lives of some of God's choicest servants end is, from a human standpoint, just plain not right. I think particularly of Donna and Doris and the host of others who are struggling near the end of the way in a manner they never knew before. The assurance is, however, that in the end, it all comes out right. What we must realize is that death is not the end, and that "the sufferings of this present world are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed."
10. The final message of Job: Hang on to your faith no matter what. Job is a book of broad perspective, and we need to realize that Job didn't know what we know - that he was going to see it all come out right in this life (which also happens at times today). On the basis of what we know now, however, we would surely say to Job, "Hang in there, Buddy." And that's a good note on which to leave our study of Job - "Hang in there, friend."
God knows what He is doing whether or not we have even so much as a clue. – Dr. Chuck Wood
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Compassion
.... What makes the Kingdom come is heartfelt compassion: a way of tenderness that knows no frontiers, no labels, no compartmentalizing, and no sectarian divisions. Jesus, the human Face of God, invites us to deep reflection on the nature of true discipleship and the radical lifestyle of Abba's child.
(Brennan Manning - Abba's Child, 75-76)
Thursday, January 24, 2008
A disciple is one whose dream is to be like Jesus
Are you a leader or a follower? Do you like blazing new trails? Or are you more comfortable a well-defined path? Do you regard difficulties as challenges or as setbacks? Are you the kind of person who will keep pressing in to get what you’re after? How far will you go to realize your dreams?
A disciple is one whose dream is to be like Jesus.
Don’t confuse being a Christian with being a disciple. Every believer is a Christian but not every believer is a disciple. Disciples are believers who are committed to going deeper and deeper with the Lord—as deep as they can go. Most believers are content just to be saved. They’re just happy to have their ticket to heaven. The demands of the deeper life in Christ don’t really attract them.
And with good reason: those demands are high. In Luke 14:25-33 Jesus sets out the demands of discipleship in such terms as bearing a cross, counting the cost and forsaking all. Not for the faint of heart!
The deeper things of the Spirit are reserved for those who are willing and determined to press in and claim them—to plunge headlong into the wellspring of the very heart of God!
Paul was this kind of person. He was a trailblazer: “…I have made it my aim to preach the gospel, not where Christ was named, lest I should build on another man’s foundation…” And he was willing to pay any price to touch the heart of Christ: “…I…count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord…and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ…that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death…” He understood that this would require single-minded determination: “…one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
You don’t have to be a trailblazer to be a disciple. You don’t have to be a natural leader. All you need is an abandoned love for Jesus and a heart that yearns to be like Him. It’s what Jesus calls hungering and thirsting for righteousness—and He promises satisfaction.
(Tommy Tenney - Finding Favour With The King)
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
A LOVE AFFAIR OF THE HEART
"What is written in the Law?.... How do you read it?"
He answered: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbour as yourself.'"
"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."
(Luke 10:26-28, emphasis added)
The truth of the gospel is intended to free us to love God and others with our whole heart. When we ignore this heart aspect of our faith and try to live out our religion solely as correct doctrine or ethics, our passion is crippled, or perverted, and the divorce of our soul from the heart purposes of God toward us is deepened.
(The Sacred Romance 8)
(The Ransomed Heart 21 - John Eldredge)
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Humility
2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.
3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.
4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.
6 Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to.
7 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form,
8 he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.
9 Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honor and gave him the name above all other names,
10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
21 This includes you who were once far away from God. You were his enemies, separated from him by your evil thoughts and actions.
23 But you must continue to believe this truth and stand firmly in it. Don’t drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News. The Good News has been preached all over the world, and I, Paul, have been appointed as God’s servant to proclaim it.